2003-08-08 12:27 a.m.
my zombie discoball world

Familiar and unfamiliar chaos is dogging my heels.

The good kind, like Diamond picking up the book � for an October solicitation, no less � like seeing 28 Days Later and suffering a serious flashback to the project that almost killed D and I's relationship, like Amy (my landlady) taking me out for a month-late-but-no-less-welcome sushi dinner...

the scary kind, like having a major panic attack, like questioning everything about L and I up one side and down the other, lots of strange dreams, fierce, cold, poor reality, and the realization that lots of my friends have disappeared in the past year, and I don't have a lot holding me to NYC, but I still want to stay.

These things never make sense.

I keep glancing up at my Valentine's Day card/gift from L, an old B&W photo of a fiddler playing in a church...but she's mixed-media'ed the hell out of it, until the light is a wash of glitter, the love emanates from his fiddle as a bright red heart in the air, love is revealed in a chest on the floor, and small strange flames lick his feet.

It reminds me of our relationship: sometimes far off of the track of anything I can verbalize, but the love and fire and swirl of emotions wrap you up, with the purest burning into your retinas through the smoke.

No matter the bullshit, as long as we don't get lost in jealousy or spite, we'll always be able to see our way clear of what ails us.