2002-09-10 5:10 p.m.
and the pain pushes up on my cheekbones

This isn't a "very special entry."

It's easy to hide in our rooms, our lives, scurry away from memory — Lord knows I've done it enough — and forget the events of the past year.

Personally, I've had a lot of heartbreak, a lot of confusion, the loss of what was essentially a surrogate family (yet another sign of how dark and needy life has been), and as if responding to the turn of time, my mind's turned to the future like a liquid sundial reflecting sunlight in one pure beam. My dreams are all about movement, and my life's been at a standstill, except for the ghosts whose story I'm writing.

Everyone at work has had their mind on 9/11, tomorrow. Everyone is wondering what they should do, if they should go to the memorial, to Ground Zero, to be with their families or just get drunk or fuck or get lost in their lives, oblivious.

I tell myself, "you have to work. You're a Temp, you can't afford to lose the day." But the truth is, like any other person, I could deal without. I'm going to show up. If I stay or if I go, I'll decide when I'm here. The quiet may be more welcome than I think.

Spencer: Not very good....I don't want to be here tomorrow, and yet I don't want to sit home thinking about everything. I want to get really drunk and dance in the nude.
Ray: I feel like I'm going to spend the entire day wishing desperately I had some work to do so I won't have to think about how bad things are in the world.
Jade: We can all keep our spirits up as best we can. And if we need to cry on eachother's shoulders we can do that, too.
Yes, exactly. And we have all become so close. You know I love you all.

My coworkers. It's funny how tightly knit people get in the face of adversity, whether it's a terrorist attack or the daily inequities of being a temp. They're good people.

A lot of good people are in my life now. I want to call D&R tonight and see how they're holding up. I want to have a drink with Tabi. A million more wishes.

Mostly, I'll be grateful to not be alone tomorrow. I've been alone enough lately. Like I was on Church Street that morning, alone in a crowd.

More wishes. More dreams. More future. Later.