2002-12-19 10:13 a.m.
situational spooning

A recent column by the divas of Nerve.com's personals site gave me pause. The article's called "Advanced Casual Sex," and addresses the idea of people who don't just look for casual sex, but casual intimacy, folks who are gun-shy with commitments but still love to spoon and share their deepest thoughts after the hot, nasty, post-dancing-til-5AM, knocking-over-kitchen-appliances-cause-yer-ass-is-parked-on-the-counter hookup.

Is this a New York thing, or just a shift in perception? Are we all feeling so uprooted and fragile after the events of the past few years (Bush's sorta-legal coup d'etat, our "war" on terrorism, 9/11, an economy with less gas in it than an old man who just took Imodium) that we're taking what we can get, living by Genma's motto from Ranma 1/2 � "when the opportunity presents itself, eat, then eat again, for you may never get another chance!"?

By contrast, so many people I knew in college are married or very nearly so. Josh'n'Katy, Clay'n'Jennifer, Shaggy'n'Sam, David'n'(uh, whoever, I wasn't invited to the wedding), Jesse'n'Sophie, etcetc. I don't know how happy they all are, but there seemed to be some level of resignation to a few of those pairings, thinking, "well, this is comfortable, and I don't know if I'll find something this good again..."

(That kind of thought process makes my balls retreat.)

I've never been afraid of commitment, but I find it interesting that a fair number of folks are opting for the fast-food model for emotional satisfaction. There's certainly nothing wrong with it — I've definitely had my share of extremely rewarding friends-with-benefits situations — but I think I'd be freaked out to discover that this choice is becoming the norm.

Maybe it's easier on everyone involved. Maybe it's a good training ground, letting you figure out how to open up before you're with someone you want to stay with for longer than your current lease.

Or maybe people are so petrified of the future that a comfy present of hot sex and spooning is, as Weird Al once said, good enough for now.

Or maybe, at this point in time, relationships aren't made to last? I doubt that.

Mom and D are polar opposites right now. She's depressed to the point of perpetual exhaustion from being alone (though work stress is a factor as well). D doesn't want any more relationships for a while, as he doesn't seem to trust his judgment right now.

Me? As I told Mrs. Weiss in my 8th grade ethics class, it's all situational.