2002-11-06 4:56 p.m.
fingertip to the wind...damn, it's cold

I'm turning off politically for a while. The ramifications of the entire nation supporting Republican ideals with nonvoting apathy is too much to stomach. If I were Yukio Mishima, I'd have stuck a knife in my belly by now. (Thankfully, I'm not. I like my belly...*pat pat*.)

Some would say I'm overreacting. They obviously forget that I'm 26 and plan on seeing the next fifty years, which will be full of the environmental effects of this administration's oil/money-hungry legislation and warmongering.

Walking to vote at PS 34 made so much sense. The sky was a black canvas, simply hosed down with dark and light greys, all uncertainty and roilings in the nether lands. It seems the clouds knew more than my optimistic ass did about the outcome of the election.

Doesn't matter. I still love walking through streets full of brownstones that Bubbe and Zeide could've lived in had they settled in Brooklyn. Every time I open Low Life or a history of Brooklyn, I see these houses being built, row by row in sepiatone.

Thoughts are on fire these days. I was dozing on the train home from overtime in Midtown, when an Orthodox woman inspired a new little playlet. I was challenged by a new chat-acquaintance to spill the story that's been on my mind...she didn't expect the plot twists, always a good sign.

I think I get why I've been spending so much time alone lately. I got spoiled on human contact while living in the microcosm (still see the 190 when I go to buy hummus or rent DVDs from the comic shop), and it's taking time to get used to the fact that people don't call as often, don't hang out as much as one would like, that everyone's so busy, we're all electrons with Heisenberg's uncertain cattle prod zapping them as soon as they've disappeared...I can't decide if I ought to be a hermit, or I should move somewhere where the pace is less frenetic, or should just do what I've been doing, living my life at my own pace and intersecting as often as lives/loves allow.

I used to be better at this. I'm remembering.

People at my job are scattering to the four winds, a few at a time...today was Jade's last day. This mass exodus happened back in May, when I was getting ready to move, when S and I stopped talking, when D&R headed south. Like licking your finger and holding it to the wind, shifts in the people in your life are a great makeshift barometer for self-made change, for when it's time to take off running in a new direction or time to stand still.

There's no more Web jobs (at least for the likes of me), no design work, writing/editing markets are swamped...so where to next? That's the question.

I've got a few ideas.