2002-05-20 12:50 p.m.
empty weekend

For once, I can write live, as opposed to saving it onto disk and trotting down to Kinko's for uploading.

This weekend was strange: it was my first alone in the house since D&R left for Miami. Besides the implied threat of ghostly experiences (and I can't help but wonder if my anxiety and sadness all weekend had a bit to do with that), it mostly felt empty. Now I feel what D did in his last weeks there, the overwhelming desire to leave, as the place has outlived its time, for me, the significance is long gone (again), and now it's a jail, where I'm doing time until I'm free to move and do something else.

On the other hand, life seems like its reconfiguring itself around that one change. My old supervisor's coming back to work just after I move, and something in my head clicked over today, signalling me that that's the right time to move — especially as a coworker and I would both be vying for a seat (a valuable commodity around here), and I'd rather she get it and I move on. Let's see if I open a gate, flick a switch, let the trapdoor open, and step right through, slipstream into my next destination.

I want to stop feeling sad. How?