2001-05-23 8:18 p.m.
overload

this is a pathetic one.

I had to preface any entry with that, but it's true.

I had the most ridiculous temping day (left a gig after half a day because the idiot I was sent to help was some doddering old fart who needed a permanent nanny (someone to remind him of everything), not a copy editor/proofreader/assistant, as I was told), ran around town unsuccessfully trying to meet up with people, had a brief conversation with Dan that I didn't want to have (and that he was right in), and went home and passed out for four hours.

Re-read 'tribal theory' for the gist of this, but Dan believes in teaching by example. The overriding idea of his beliefs is that there are folks who are ready to move on and become self-actualized, and people that aren't, and that there's no time to wait for people to catch up or to teach them; just help the ones that can be helped. (Strangely enough, I think he sees me as one of those that can be helped, though I listen to a lot of R.E.M.)

I was panicking. I'm already cancelling one trip and I'm worried about making enough dosh to fund San Diego, let alone having work to present there...and I was having a grade-A freakout, the kind I haven't had in a long while.

Now, compassion tells us to talk the person down, if only for a few minutes, help them get grounded again.

Dan's method was much more loving: 'you know, you obviously need to stew, so, um, peace.' *click* That was definitely a time of my life I needed to be hung up on.

I went home, ate my bagel w/lox spread, crawled into bed and ended up having a four-hour nap. I feel better, in a dreamy, sleepy kind of way.

In a roundabout way, I'm saying that I got so worked up that I needed to unplug. The nap was a way to burn off excess energy, as I was caught in a personal feedback loop. Frustration begat anger begat sadness begat loneliness begat frustration... Overall, the nap was the right thing to do.

Strangely, hanging up on me was the right thing for Dan to do. If I'd had someone to vent to, I might've gone on a tear with them for a while, and it may not have helped. This afternoon, I decompressed in dreamtime, and feel strangely relieved (though hungry).

I had a dream about being in a Monty Python revival (a much better organized one than when I was in high school), but I knew the whole time that I couldn't remember my lines and shouldn't have been on stage. I woke up as my moment came up.

left turn:

why is it that in theater school, we never used Viewpoints as a *listening* exercise? here you are with a practice intended to heighten actors' sensory perception, to get them to focus on the entire stage, on topography, on repeated actions, phrases, building stage pictures...but I just wondered why the only place spontaneous work happens is in improv comedy or rehearsal halls? What about spontaneous theater, where we have an idea or two going in, but let it free-flow, and have faith in our collaborators' abilities to take it somewhere. Apply the disposable theater concept from comedy skits to true theater...keep the act of creation fluid.

backflip:

my hair's a mess. ;) I'm so fabulous sometimes.