2001-10-15 8:53 a.m.
an end to all that (push-button restart)

For the first time in two weeks, I'm doing laundry. I'm reading the news, getting ready for a shower, eating Silk yogurt, and getting ready for my day...instead of rolling out of bed, putting on a shirt that's been worn enough times to qualify as cardboard, wearing sweaty pants that make my thighs itch, and going to work in a state that, if done once or twice, means you "got lucky" the night before.

I've been living completely unconscious of my body or of life moving around me, swimming in the sea of a new lover and friend, and life's been wonderful.

That's not why the rest of my life faded to black (I've been lazy and broke, simple as that); but it's why my thoughts have been streamlined as of late.

I haven't written in my journal because I haven't given myself time...I've been writing on scraps of paper, filing away notions in my head, and filling my time with breath and honesty and warmth (and wonderful amounts of fun time in bed together).

And now I'm waking up. Nothing changes but my attention to myself.

Everything's so much more immediate since I last wrote. Life-layers fell away last month and haven't built back up. I just want to write write write, travel, see,

Affection, attention to S. has been so raw, issueless, primal and simple. We share, we discuss, we cook, watch TV, run around and look at art and old buildings...but there's no pressure. I don't think I've ever known what that's like.

"Work" (read: day job) feels utterly meaningless, and I want to cry every time I think about it. But lately, at work, my mind coasts, dreams, tickles and wiggles and soars, and I'm writing longhand all the live-long day, filling in the time, filling up printer paper up with musings, character ideas, sensations, stories...winding my brain up for a self-published comic D. and I are working on, prepping my brain to explode with every obsession I've ever stuffed between my ears.

I'll probably list some of them here in the next day or so, just to keep a tally.

But know that, if you need to, I'm alive and I'm dreaming, and I feel absolutely fine.

How are you?

Tell me.