To be fair, monkeys related to evolution and my one acid trip, and the lion referred to the tarot card pendant my new acquaintance was wearing, an engraving of the card Strength, depicting a woman leading a lion by holding its jaw open. The pendant's owner explained that, to her, the symbolic meaning was that of people struggling with and eventually dominating their animal natures, but through a kind strength, not force or violence, a strength I attribute to good mothers.
Our talk went on for over an hour by candlelight (in the midst of a surprisingly big and loud Nerve party). I told her about the rainforest behind my eyes, about being a sneaky monkey in the land of humans and what that means to me, and she spoke of leading her lion, despite the times her lion's bit or scratched her.
The most interesting people in this world, we came to the conclusion, are the ones who are most aware of themselves, their energy, and the effects of both within larger systems...not through egotism, but through simple perception. Alan Moore (writer of Promethea, possibly the smartest � certainly the most spiritual � comic ever written) strikes me as one of these types, although he seems to trip over his ego from time to time.
We live by our awareness and those emotions that color that awareness, like filters on lighting or cameras...fear, love, rejection, hatred, jealousy, ambition...
For the longest time, I've felt that people were judging me for keeping my eyes so far open...since parting ways with D, Rachel, and S, nothing feels better than swimming in my own awareness, and learning to temper that on my own, not because other people disapprove.
I still have a lot on my mind, but then, it's my mind.
later, about 12:10PM or so
I can't believe I'm saying this, but I'm going out too much.
It's ceasing to be fun and turning into draining at this frequency. Dates, out-of-town guests, moving...I'm barely seeing my roommates and certainly not taking enough time to write or exercise, breaking a promise I made to myself.
On the other hand, it's nice to have fresh faces and new voices in orbit...but I also need to respect my voice and use it.
