2001-05-14 10:24 p.m.
marvelling

marvelling...a quick note on this.

Webster's had this to say:

intransitive senses : to become filled with surprise, wonder, or amazed curiosity (marveled at the magician's skill)

transitive senses : to feel astonishment or perplexity at or about (marveled that they had escaped)

hm.

to me, marvelling means never closing your eyes to how beautiful life can be. It means never growing too cynical or so focused in life that you can't look back on who you were ten years ago and laugh, or dig through a box of old photos/videos/writing, and take time to reminisce. It's about keeping an open heart when the world gives you every reason not to.

this past winter was a very hard time to be wide-eyed and full of wonder towards the world, when the temp market was glutted and I was working two days a week, tops (and often being late to work out of depression)...I didn't care much about the world, though I tried to, and I sure as hell wasn't good company. someone close to me found that out the hard way.

I swore to myself when things turned around that I couldn't, and more to the point, wouldn't let myself go down that path again — not only because it's poisonous to the soul (and I know how hippie-dippie that sounds, but shut up), but because you hurt people when you live in despair and rage and frustration. it can be as simple as losing that spark that made you a great conversationalist, ignoring homeless people when all they really wanted was a dime and an acknowledgement that they're people, shutting yourself up in the house and forgetting that you could wake up and watch the sun come up over Prospect Park only four blocks away...or blowing up at people who care about you when all they want to do is help.

Life is life is life. But don't forget to live. Take a walk over Brooklyn Bridge (I just did that tonight)...go out to dinner with an old friend...play with the neighbor's dog and shoot the shit with the lady who runs the laundromat. Stay open.

And don't forget to play by your own rules...no one else's are worth a damn in the long run.