2001-09-02 12:14 a.m.
evol we leave behind

here I am again...

"cease to exist, given my goodbyes, drive my car into the ocean..."

sounds like a suicide note, doesn't it? or an ear perked up to a new existence and urging the body forward...

a lot of threads have been pulling at my brain lately.

like what I should be doing with my time. like the fact that I don't know if I can go through with a year-long roadtrip with D., though that'd be a supreme test of endurance. like how much I'd rather be writing novels than doing data entry to pay bills.

like how slow I've been feeling lately.

I'm almost done with "The Baron in the Trees" and I'm amazed at how much I relate to Cosimo, the Baron. A fearless spirit, he sets rules for his life and manages to hold true to them no matter the personal cost. He went to the trees in an act of rebellion and promptly forgot why he did it, after finding the joy in his existence.

That's often what I do...the motivation behind my actions often fades to black while the choices remain. A lot like evolution, actually: we evolve to a new environment, but when the change becomes irrelevant (i.e. -- predators/environment change or disappear), the evol remains.

Wanderlust.